To Lose Is To Gain
by GhostiesandGhoulies
Summary: SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN HTTYD2! This is basically Hiccup's thoughts and such at the tail end of the battle at the nest with Drago and then the aftermath. (Where his world gets kind of flipped upside down for a time.) I suppose you could call it a reflection of sorts. I hope it's better than this as this summary sucks, I'm aware. Hard to write a summary and not spoil things!


**Ciao readers! So I went and saw the new How To Train Your Dragon movie and wow. I was just blown away - it was so beautiful and just magnificently executed, kudos to DreamWorks for a job well done. One scene really hit me, as I'm sure it did everyone. I decided to throw in my two cents of what may have been going through Hiccup's mind when Toothless was controlled by the Bewilderbeast. Hope you enjoy.**

**PS - As you might have guessed... MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD - Don't read unless you want to spoil what might have been the biggest surprise of this movie (for me at least).**

**How To Train Your Dragon belongs to Cressida Cowell, but the movies were made by DreamWorks.**

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><p>Hiccup was scared, truly and honestly scared. To have your best friend turned on you, against his own control was outright terrifying. The blank and controlled look in those normally expressive eyes was out of place and intimidating.<p>

His hand was outstretched in hopes of bringing Toothless out of his hypnotized state, his fingers were shaking. "Stop," he cried, fear beginning to set into his voice, "snap out of it!" What could he do? He was running out of options and Toothless was cornering him. He wanted to believe the night fury wouldn't hurt him, but he was unsure if the dragon could make sense of anything in his state.

He glanced behind him, "Toothless, no!" He was scared. Not just for his own safety but his best friend as well. Toothless wasn't aware, he couldn't be because he would never attack him. Despite himself he continued backing away, trapping himself in a corner of ice. "TOOTHLESS," he cried again, hoping by some chance he could get through to the other. Then he heard it, Toothless was building gas in the back of his throat - he was really going to fire a plasma blast at him! "DON'T," he shouted in ever building fear. Upon looking up he noticed that the giant Bewilderbeast was mimicking the motion, Toothless was completely under his control.

The gas was almost ready to be ignited and fired. Hiccup couldn't help his fear, he was going to die. He was going to be killed by his best friend. In a last ditch effort he tried to shout once more and possibly break the Bewilderbeast's control, "STOOOP!" He could see the color emerging from Toothless's throat. He was getting ready to fire.

"SON," came a shout off to his left.

In his panic of the situation he looked and was utterly shocked to see his father running towards him with a frightened look on his face. He held out a hand to stop his approach, afraid that he might get hit as well, "DAD! No d-" He flew back as Stoick shoved him with all his might. His vision disappearing as the sound of a plasma blast rang throughout the area. He knew it had only been seconds that he had lost consciousness. He was aching but it was manageable. Amidst his momentary confusion there emerged a strong concern for his father. Where was he?

Hiccup pulled himself to his hands and knees, collecting himself before lifting his head to peer around. His heart sunk when he did. It all came back to him, his father had pushed him out of the way at the last moment - he had taken the hit. Stoick lay underneath some ice chunks, completely and utterly still. With an uneasy glance towards Toothless to make sure he wouldn't fire again, he stood. "No.." he whispered, running to his father. He shoved off the chunks desperately, hoping it wasn't as it appeared. Stoick couldn't be... No, he refused to even think it. With wild breathing he attempted to roll his large father onto his back. "DAD," he cried in effort and rising fear. He just barely processed his mother's arrival as she helped him roll Stoick onto his back.

"No," he murmured as their motions evoked no reaction at all. He refused to believe it. He wouldn't accept it... He looked in earnest to his mother who had laid her head upon Stoick's chest to hear for a heartbeat. They waited with bated breath. His breathing picked up when his mother's face crumpled with sadness. No.. it couldn't be.. He met her glassy eyes and gave a slight shake of his head. "No..." he murmured. Her head lowered slightly and it was all the answer he needed.

His breathing increased, his vision blurred. He didn't want to believe it. How could it be..? He shook his head and felt a sudden rush of emotion. He couldn't stop his tears as he collapsed onto his father's massive chest in misery. He simply didn't want to believe it. He felt numb, not even fully processing the comforting hands on his left shoulder and arm, no doubt his mother. There were sounds all around but he paid them no heed, too caught up in the loss of his father to even focus on other things.

He and his father had never had the best of relationships in the times before peace. He felt that they could never understand one another, they had almost nothing in common with each other. Then he had shown the Vikings of Berk the possibility of peace with the creatures they had long hated and feared and things changed. No longer was he Berk's worst Viking but instead Berk's number one dragon trainer and handler. He finally could make his father proud over something he had done. They finally found common ground and they finally had something to talk about. While his father had never been one to show sentimental gestures, he had learned to pick up on the subtle hints to such things whether it be a hand on his shoulder or even a short but meaningful nod in his direction.

Hiccup's hands clenched at the thought, never again would he have such interactions with the other. Never again could he go out on a flight at dawn with the company of his father, never again would he have the prideful moment where his father stood at his side with a robust hand on his shoulder. He cried silently, hands clenched around his father's garments in utter disbelief of the events that had come to pass. His father, Stoick the Vast, was dead.

There came the all too familiar croon of Toothless from nearby. Hiccup involuntarily shuddered in mild fear at the sound. Stronger than that feeling was one of anger. His father's death was Toothless's fault. He lifted his head a bit just in time to see Toothless nuzzle Stoick's limp hand and the feeling of anger turned to blind rage. "NO, GET AWAY FROM HIM," he bellowed suddenly, pushing the black dragon's snout away from his father's body. He stood and glared at his once best friend, only then he merely saw the cause of his father's demise. "Go on - get out of here," he shouted with a wild gesture. He felt that he couldn't stand to have the other around at the moment, "Get away!" He only felt mild satisfaction as Toothless finally turned and scampered away, sadness and confusion shining clear in those signature green eyes.

"It's not his fault," Valka murmured softly to him as he collapsed to his knees once more. She replaced her comforting hold on his shoulder after a moment. He was only vaguely aware that Astrid was seated on his other side, a rock for him to brace himself on.

His emotions were utterly overwhelming; a giant mix of sadness, anger, guilt and shock. They combined themselves until all he felt was numbness, too far in shock to feel anything at all. He had never thought as to how he might feel when he did finally lose his father, though he never could have even imagined he would so suddenly lose the man.

There suddenly came a large plethora of sound from nearby, causing them all to look as their dragons took off as they were controlled by the giant Alpha dragon. Then he spotted Drago... sitting atop Toothless. His heart sunk again as he realized that he very well might have just lost his best friend. "TOOTHLESS," he shouted, lunging forward in a blind urge to get to his dragon. His mother held him back. He knew it would've been pointless but he hated having to merely watch as Drago flew off on his dragon. This time, it was his fault. He had scared him off.

His shoulders sunk in defeat, they had lost.

Only a few hours later and they were setting an old and tattered Viking ship to sail, carrying with it the body of Berk's Chief. Tears trailed down Hiccup's cheeks as Gobber recited the funeral rites. Doing the ceremony made it official. His father was gone and not coming back.

"May the valkyries welcome you and lead you through Odin's great battle field. May they sing your name with love and fury, so that we might hear it rise from the depths of Valhalla. And know that you've taken your rightful place at the table of kings. For a great man has fallen: A warrior. A chieftain," he handed the bow and arrow to Hiccup, "A father. A friend."

He lit the tip of the arrow and raised it with his bow. Then with a moment's hesitation he fired and watched numbly as the arrow hit it's mark on the ship. Soon after the other's arrows joined his own, successfully setting the boat aflame. It was a proper Viking funeral for perhaps the greatest Viking of Berk.

"I'm sorry, Dad.." he murmured into the silent air, "I'm not the chief you wanted me to be, and I'm not the peacemaker I thought I was. I don't know..." He fell silent, unsure of how to continue. Hiccup felt as though he was right back to square one, the great failure of Berk. He had thought he could do something great and change Drago's mind, only to see that his father had been right when he had said that men who kill without reason could not be reasoned with. He overestimated himself at times and it always came back to get him later. A hand threading through his hair broke his thoughts.

Valka gave a soft sigh, "You came early into this world," she said quietly. "You were such a wee thing. So frail, so fragile. I feared you wouldn't make it but your father, he never doubted. He always said that you would become the strongest of them all, and he was right." She stood before him and met his eyes, "You have the heart of a chief and the soul of a dragon. Only you can bring our worlds together. That is who you are, son." Having said her part, she stepped away to leave Hiccup to his thoughts once more.

Hiccup felt a new light within himself. Perhaps he hadn't always been just a disappointment to his father. If Stoick had had such faith in him from the very beginning then how could he let him down now? He looked out once more to the burning ship that was slowly fading into the distance. "I was so afraid of becoming my dad, mostly because I thought I never could. H-How do you become someone that great, that brave, that selfless? I guess you could only try," he reflected.

At first he felt defeated by the fact. Because no, he could never become his father. He lowered his gaze when another thought struck him. Who ever said he had to become his father? Who had even said it were possible? Hadn't he just said that one could only _try_ to become someone that great? Suddenly he felt as though his determination was back, he raised his head with his eyes burning with his inner fire rekindled. No, he wouldn't be his father. Because there was only one man such as Stoick. But that didn't mean he couldn't try to be a man a great as his father before him, he would just do it his way.

With his newfound self assurance and restored determination, he turned and faced the others. Their faces were expectant, awaiting his orders. He was to be chief upon their return, the village's fate and the future rested on his shoulders. "A chief protects his own," he announced firmly. He nodded to himself. The words rung clear and true in his mind.

Stoick had lived and died protecting his own which in the very end had been his family. Though that wasn't all he had meant. A chief protected the village and all the people within it. And now that village included dragons. The dragons were a part of Berk too. It all made perfect sense to him now.

"We're going back."

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><p><strong>For those who saw the movie, well you know what happened after that. Thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed. R&amp;R if you so wish. See you in the next story perhaps!<strong>

**~Ghosties**


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